| Finding strength in hard times |
[02 Dec 2009|08:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Someone Who Cares - Three Days Grace |
] |
I'm trying to. My name means strength so I should be strong then, right?
I just deleted a bunch of stuff. I had to sift through a lot which brings back memories. But I got it done, son. It will be better in the end if I don't keep that stuff, I know this.. I've also made a friend list cut on two different sites. Maybe things will be better that way.
So I talked to my dad about getting my own apartment.. He's goes
"oh we can get a 2bedroom etc.."
I said"oh I just meant the one you have on hold now"
"You want to be alone?"
lol
I mean, clearly ha. I'm a grown woman now, I think its time I lived on my own, not with my dad. I think I'll be okay with the monthly payments, the place isn't expensive and even though my job doesn't have a consistent amount coming through, I will at least have enough. I'm honestly not even sure how I'll fill up my time during the day so probably a lot of journal entries and online window shopping haha. I do need to get on that christmas shopping.. ugh. That'll be the first thing I do when I move in soon, I'll start a christmas list in word.
Life feels strange on my own. I can get by.. if I need to..
I'm breathing.
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| Against my wishes- Surprising really? |
[13 Nov 2009|05:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
I closed with a client today. His grandma said "cya next week" which made him say the same. She is oblivious to the fact I won't be seeing him anymore. I tried to leave before she got there, and I told him I won't see him anymore. But as I left he said cya next week too. . .
I can't help but be fucking heartbroken over this. Damnit to hell. Life is hard.
Got me again
Touche cruel world, touche.
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| sick |
[28 Oct 2009|04:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
i feel like crap, this sickness got worse
death might still be better
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| I love three days grace part 2 |
[27 Oct 2009|01:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sick |
] |
I always knew that you'd come back to get me
And you always knew that it wouldn't be easy
To go back to the start to see where it all began
Or end up at the bottom to watch how it all ends
You tried to lie and say I was everything
I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you"
I'm nothing without you
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
You always thought that I left myself open
But you didn't know I was already broken
I told myself that it wouldn't be so bad
But pulling away it took everything I had
You tried to lie and say I was everything
I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you"
I'm nothing without you
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
In you
The pain of it all, the rise and the fall
I see it all in you
Now everyday I find myself saying
"I want to get lost in you"
I'm nothing without you
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
A way to get lost in you
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| I love three days grace part 1! |
[26 Oct 2009|06:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Three Days Grace - World So Cold |
] |
I never thought I'd feel this.
Guilty and unbroken down inside.
Living with myself, nothing but lies.
I always thought I'd make it,
but never knew I'd let it get so bad,
living with myself is all I have.
I feel numb,
I can't come to life,
I feel like I'm frozen in time!
Living in a world so cold,wasting away!
Living in a shell with no soul, since you've gone away!
Living in a world so cold, counting the days!
Since you've gone away,
you've gone away!
Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside,
staring at yourself, paralyzed?
I feel numb,
I can't come to life,
I feel like I'm frozen in time!
Living in a world so cold, wasting away!
Living in a shell with no soul, since you've gone away!
Living in a world so cold, counting the days!
Since you've gone away,
you've gone away,from me!
I'm too young, (I'm too young),
to lose my soul!
I'm too young, (I'm too young),
to feel this world!
So long, (so long),
I'm left behind.
I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Do you ever feel me,
do you ever look deep down inside,
staring at your life, paralyzed?
Living in a world so cold, wasting away!
Living in a shell with no soul, since you've gone away!
Living in a world so cold, counting the days!
Since you've gone away,
you've gone away, from me!
I'm too young, (I'm too young).
I'm too young, (I'm too young).
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| rant |
[26 Oct 2009|02:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Three Days Grace- Lost In You |
] |
I don't care about your facebook and myspace status updates.
Quit trying to suck me in with your seemingly dull/careless messages to me.
I don't care to find out anymore.
just .. leave me alone?
or stop being an idiot?
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| oh? |
[24 Oct 2009|10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
why why why why why why why
why
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| Do you read this? |
[21 Oct 2009|02:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Atreyu - Blow |
] |
Do you? If you do, I have something to tell you:
I dislike you. Being an asshole is the latest trend, huh? Well if thats the case then go fuck yourself? Stop trying to get under my skin. All you do is that, get under my skin. You don't even fight on my side, you fight against me. I don't understand it. If you have something to say to me just do it?
just
fucking
say
it
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| OKAY /START RAGE |
[15 Oct 2009|11:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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angry |
] |
Dude seriously?
fuck you. You knew earlier today that I said I was going to meet you at the bar. We even got into a discussion about the CARS for 5 FUCKING MINUTES and how you wouldn't need to pick me up since I was going to MEET YOU THERE...but hey I'm over it and
bythefuckingway? guess what? Fuck you dude. Fuck you and your whateverthefuck you are supposedly going through now that you're NOT telling me-or maybe I'm making up your emo mood whatever I don't care anymore right now. So fuck you.
By the way, FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
/rage
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| When life throws you lemons, get your shotgun out |
[26 Aug 2009|12:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
Why do I make plans only for them to fuck up and get ruined right before? Why do I even fucking try?
Fuck. I just give the fuck up. I don't even know why I tried, honestly.
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| FYI |
[08 Aug 2009|12:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Atreyu- Blow |
] |
So lex isn't going to Florida with me. I decided to go balls deep and go myself.
This guy named Dred from WoW is gonna go with me to Fl. 5 days. Should be fun...
I hope to have awesome and hilarious memories. Woulda been fucking better if it was just me and lex. But ahh, life fucking sucks ya know? yeah :D
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| Drinking White Zin |
[08 Aug 2009|12:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 horny |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lose It- Atreyu |
] |
and :)
Wish it wasn't hot, but it is. So damn damn damn it!
Also- Fuck me for not listening to this band before.. I remember having some songs by this band from friends who sent them to me via AIM/whathaveyou and for some reason I didn't give em a chance? Anyhow, I freaking love this band.
/sigh @ this song
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[10 Jun 2009|03:42pm] |
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| Story of my life! |
[30 May 2009|04:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
I have a great night, and it turns down because of something so silly, so insignificant but my mind makes a big deal about it. And its so stupid for me to even get upset over a stupid video game, something about it, and with a good friend.. who I happen to care alot for and they think I'm mad. Then I admit it, and then they get mad at me but don't wanna fess up.
And there's my night, turning from great, to not so great. I'm trying really hard to be okay though.. really hard.
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| Oh, sigh. |
[01 May 2009|04:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
Deep, soft, sigh.
I like when people put me in a good mood when I talk to them. But when those moments don't arrive, a sigh depletes.
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| Eventhough |
[22 Apr 2009|08:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 relieved |
] |
in regards to last night's entry, even though things won't be said or done, whathaveyou, I can still have a good night with people so yay! This was one of those times.
I had a great night. Relieved, happy
nice =) Ahh, everyday should feel like this.
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| Never again |
[15 Apr 2009|04:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sick |
] |
will I think I need a protein shake for my workout. I will never again think that because I tried it and it's just too fucking disgusting for me to down again. I feel like I'm going to puke and its been an hour since I had it.
WTG ego of mine.
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| So |
[08 Apr 2009|03:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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chipper |
] |
The past few I dont know ... recently
I've been getting some interesting female attention. I don't know why. I haven't done anything but whatever it is that I have been doing-it turns some females on.
This is me not upset @ that.
:D
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dorkdafied's journal
lonely